Friday, February 13, 2009

Why I woke up So Ridiculously Early Today

Mostly to write these things down:

Things I want to do More of

-Yoga
-Writing
-Travel
-Research

The East Village is funny. Going to a coffeeshop to write at 7 in the morning makes you feel like a crazy person. No one is awake. The tables are all being set up for breakfasts that no one attends. The coffeeshop I am in right now claims me as its only patron. Only patron - in the village in NYC - a place where the art of making evil eyes to swoop in on the person leaving a table so the 3 people next to you don't get it is...well, an art form.
Walking down Ave A. with the unfavorable winds (Weather Advisory) gusting all around you is really an invigorating way to start the day. Little twisters of the block's garbage and debris swirl all around you calling to you, inviting you in to play.
But let me start at the beginning, or Why You're Reading This Article.
I woke up at 6am today. That is ridiculously early for me in this life of sabbatacle from a job in the East Village. Every morning I've woken slightly later and feeling more lethargic. It was a creeping problem that I hated, one that I knew would catch up with me. 9am was becoming 9:30 and then would become 10 or 11! Not okay with me. It really does add to a sense of worthlessness, I don't care what you say.
And it makes me crazy to hear people say that 9am is early, or even 7am for that matter because I am highly aware that most of the people on this planet arise before dawn. Whether by choice or mostly not, this is the case. So young westerners who think otherwise sound spoiled, whiny, and narcissistic. It's one thing if you're a student, well, an undergrad, because that's when you embody these concepts. I jest, but look at this neighborhood and tell me I'm stereotyping. Two people have since come in to the coffeeshop. It is 7:38am.
So back to waking up early. Today I woke up fully awake with my mind racing, but in a linear way not an overindulgent scattered way. The funny thing was, I started writing articles in my head. It led me to a moment of clarity I hadn't had for a long time. The things I wanted and needed to do were very clear to me.
This HAD to be due to the "boot camp" class I took yesterday at the gym. I thought it would kill me, and I could barely complete all of the exercises, but I finished the class. I found out afterward that a lot of the people wee marathon runners.
I only ran when being chased. I told this to my bf who laughed and then asked "but when are you being chased?" and I replied "sometimes by you around the room a couple times, but other than that, never. That's exactly the point. I don't run."
My body pulsed when I awoke. I felt alive and awake. I knew it was 6am and my first reaction was that I was scared. I was scared of having so much time in the day. What would I do? Would I be miserable and bored? Then the thought of how pathetic my first thought was crept in. I knew I had found a core fear inside myself.