I just can't ever do this.

Well, I thought I just can't ever do this. I really did.
But even as I write this and my skin is itchy and hot and bothersome, I am trying to stay focused and positive.
I've had a mini-revelation. My food choices are about more than addiction. I always thought that's what it was all about. Addiction on a chemical level, on a mental level, and on an emotional level. Little bit hard to beat, don't you think?
But I truly realized this today.
It's most importantly about CONVENIENCE and HABIT. Those two things are soooo important. How could I not see that before? Those have been the death of me lately.
See, I'm not one to make a fuss over food at home. I don't cook and if I do it's simple pasta. I am not a domestic goddess. A goddess yes, but I hate to cook. I like to help others cook and maybe watch while we gab away about our lives, but I hate cooking for myself. I do not enjoy it. Let me state that again: I do not enjoy the process, only the benefits, and I actually like the end result of eating out. The food satisfies me more, looks prettier, I like being out, and I like the ambience and social aspect of it too. That's just me.
I am facing these facts and really trying to go with it. I have to be very budget conscious, but I think i can finally pull this off.
I may eat a sprouted bagel or some sashimi, but i'm going to go forward with this lifestyle. Everytime I don't I think, well, it's not the end of the world. But over all this time, 29 years of life, I sit here feeling terrible and slowly climbing into the category of sick person. Or not so slowly. All of a sudden I have these horrible skin problems. I've had "bad skin" i.e. acne my whole life, it's not that, it's like eczema maybe. I've never had it until about a month or more ago. It started with just a bit of itchy skin which i thought were airborne allergies. But just a few nights ago it was so bad that I literally couldn't sleep.
How did I get here? Heavy, emotionally negative, not doing yoga which I adore...
But now is beyond the time of lamentation.
Now is time to do something.
This forum is inspiring me:
http://www.rawfoodtalk.com/

The before and after pics are a quick inspiration fix, but I've wanted to do this for years now!
I am really going to try. I'll be blogging more about my struggle soon. Not much of a struggle if I start feeling better!