Alright, so here I go. I really hope I can stick with this blogging thing, particularly on this topic. It's much healthier than giving into temptation, stalking people on myspace, or letting my thoughts run around in my head at mach speed. And please, don't get me wrong, I love temptation, and giving into it. ;) I'm just fully realizing that food can be a beautiful and great thing in one's life, but not when it controls you through chemicals and addiction. It's that simple.
So that's the outlook I'm going into this with. I'm planning on riding the waves of my body, as freakishly scary as that may seem. :)
Are bloggers allowed to use smileys, or is that blasphemy? Haha. If I don't, I'll use too many hahas or hehes. Oh well, we'll see.
When I'm home I'll post a photo of myself in the hopes of later labeling it a "Before", haha. I'm at work and since I work nights, a time when one wants to eat every fried thing known to (wo)man, I think this blog will be therapeutic. I kind of thought it was too self absorbed and too much in the vein of "I wanna be a star" (a phenomenon that I LOATHE) - ...BUT I have read through a few of others' blogs, particularly some strong and amazing women, and they are actually really inspiring. Hopefully this can be too. Or if I fail miserably, it can make others feel that much better about themselves. Just kidding. (hopefully)
So I'm going to quickly touch upon what's been going on with me lately. Basically, there's no rock bottom for me, at least not in a long time. There are "episodes" or days when I feel not so hot, but once "the fog lifts" then everything's A-OK. I think I was raised like this which may be a factor. So my weekend was like this - a few kind of happy things, but also a few "episodes" where depression and mania set in. I don't know if I'm allowing myself to only see the negative or if the negative was actually that overshadowing. I think it's more of the latter. Suffice it to say, I had some small panic attacks due to some small incidences. This led me to take a valium which I hadn't touched in at least 4 months when I severely broke my arm. And yes, I do believe that food completely affected me to this point. Plus, I drank excessively this weekend after surprisingly not drinking in a while. It all took a toll on me. Even before this, I was obsessed with ice cream all of a sudden. I ate the last of a carton (a very small amount) for breakfast this morning. It felt like closure because I know I've broken that obsession, for now. I had some dumplings, but I had a salad for dinner and then an apple and a kiwi a couple hours ago. I have been drinking a lot of water here at work, and I don't feel hungry at all right now. Lately I've wanted to eat when i get home which is usually around 5am - not good. I've managed not to eat, but it's been hard. I actually like my vampiric schedule, but I hope it allows me to go raw.
Just to lay it out there, I've been vegetarian for 15 years now, with the occasional consumption of fish. I have also eaten unagi (eel) and once or twice shrimp in all that time. I'm very happy being veggie, but I don't think it relates to the way I feel. In other words, I'm glad not to be participating in the meat industry, but for me to feel better I know that I need to eat fresh fruit and veggies, not a veggie burger. As much as I like 'em.
And finally, I don't like to cook. I'm not domestic. I own a blender, but hate cleaning it. :) There, it's out there. I kind of like to prepare, so I'm hoping that will be an advantage going into this since no one's really cooking.
I'm going to go the path of least resistance and go to as many raw places in NYC as possible. I figure it's the way I'll stay raw in the beginning. When I'm fully into it, I'll forage for my own food, I swear, but until then I think the Whole Foods bar and mock burritos, pastas, etc. are the way to go. ;)
I'm sure it'll be pricey, but I spend a lot of money on food now anyway.
It will be a tough battle, but I'd like to go in head first. And this blog will be a witness.
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