this is gone-be harrddd

Yes, I say that subject with fervor. I had a good day and ate well and even felt quite energized around 6 or 7pm. I was practically running through the streets of midtown and didn't realize it and when I did was like "oh!".
Then about an hour ago, around 10pm, here at work, I listened as coworkers ordered a bunch of burgers and fries. This after my coworker, one who sits next to me, was eating fries and a turkey sandwich. AND the coworker to my other side was eating a frozen snickers bar. (this girl is thin and perky which makes me go arrrg very irrationally) The meat even started to sound good to me after a while, so you know that's bad. I suddenly felt very irritable. I don't know if I felt that way before the food stuff occurred, but maybe. I remember thinking it was the yang to the lovely yin earlier today.
Talk about being in the grips of addiction. I had eaten a salad (with croutons which I think I should officially avoid) and then munched on banana chips and edamame and some cashews. But the muchiness took over. I was feeling depressed and agitated while at the same time NEEDING something snacky. I went over to duane reade and grabbed a bag of terra chips. Not the worst thing I could grab, but they only have the large sized bags. I just knew that I'd eat the whole bag and then I'd be back in that pattern. I know after 28 years that it's not about the chips or the amount, it's about the habit and the mental, physical, and emotional release and habit.
It took me forever to pick out a toothbrush (and I got a spongebob one, lemme tell you how out of it I must have been) and by the time I went to checkout, it had lifted! I felt full with no craving all of a sudden! But then my mind interjected and told me I needed snacky foods, so I went and picked out some veggie chips in a tiny bag. But the line for the checkout was long and by the time I made it to the head, I put those chips back and got some gum.
I have edamame and plums here, but I still haven't had the desire to eat anything.
Talk about a battle!!!
I wanna say I'm proud, but I can't say what the future brings.
(I would like to put my head in a pizza right now and personal issues, people, or whatever, may bring me to it, but I will do my damnedest!)

Oh! I forgot. Here's what I've eaten (so far, it's only midnight):
smoothie - 1 apple, 1 banana, water, ice, a few raw choc nibs
jamba juice smoothie - pomegranate juice, mango, peach
salad from hale n hearty - mixed greens, onion, carrot, cucumber, croutons
handful edamame
few cashews
3 lil banana chips (those are ridiculously sweet, in a bad way)

Wish me luuuuck!